During the early stages of my training, I was definitely searching for the ‘right way’ of ‘doing therapy’. A condition of worth for me was to ‘follow the rules’. Like a meerkat perched on the top of its lookout; I sat scanning for these rules.
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Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have absorbed the belief that humour is antithetical to the therapeutic space. Most probably inflated by my need to ‘get it right’, I made an effort to keep my humour outside of the room.
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Parallel to this, I was engaging with this new focus on ‘being’. Being me, becoming myself. So many aspects of my training contributed to my increasing self-awareness of not only what that meant, but also what that looked like.
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Essential practice experience offered me the chance to locate my way of being in the therapy room. My experience as a humanistic therapist has shown me how beneficial bringing my sense of humour into the room can be. My authentic response to a clients narrative is vital. Whether that’s sorrow, pain, joy or laughter. So why stifle the laughter?
“Rogers (1961) himself identified humour as one of the attributes of the fully functioning individual.”
It was important for me to introspect - to look inwardly at my relationship with humour & what that offered me. For me, it’s about the possibility for connection with others . One of the benefits of laughter is just this; the opportunity to reach out; to give and receive. Rogers (1961) himself identified humour as one of the attributes of the fully functioning individual. Reading this I felt offered me ‘permission’ to engage with humour during the therapeutic encounter.
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For sure, people can use humour to deflect from connecting with the pain & suffering of their true experiences; you only need to observe a friend re-tell the story of a difficult aspect of their childhood whilst smiling the whole time to evidence that.
As therapists we need to hold an awareness of this. And, if I observed this, I would gently offer you just that; the incongruence of your behaviour in contrast to the lived experience you were retelling. I would be curious of the feelings & emotions behind the laughter.
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So we hold an understanding that humour can be a way of distancing yourself from the pain. What about the benefits? The bridge that it can offer to reach a client maybe.
I’ve experienced quite a few therapists whilst engaging with personal therapy myself. Each quite different, as we all are. The commonality of the individuals that I felt facilitated a thorough exploration of self, were the ones who welcomed my humour into the room. They didn’t offer their observation as a criticism or try to dilute it; they utilised it. They leaned into it, said ‘ Hi’ to this configuration of me.
Whilst also gently observing/enquiring about the reality of the experience I was describing. Basically, it didn’t permit me to hide from the tough feelings for too long. And when I felt ready, together, we began to explore some of those painful experiences; bit by bit.
The laughter we shared both increased & decreased in equal measure. Cognitively, I realise this is illogical. What I mean is the occasions my humour came into the room authentically increased as opposed to humour I brought in as a mask. ‘Jovial Jo’ would be seen in all her glory as were all the other aspects of me. It showed me that I could be many different ways and still be myself, still be accepted. I could feel all the feels!
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Others around me did struggle with the changes that they observed; preferring ‘Jovial Jo’ to come out for coffee rather than ‘Sad Jo’ or ‘Confused Jo’ but that was ok. This encounter with my truly accepting therapists offered me a real life microcosm of how my true way of being could be replicated within the outside world. Not with all maybe, but with some. The ones that truly matter.
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On reflection, my personal experiences as the therapist help me to identify that exchanges of humour are more likely to appear at the beginning & end of a session. Perhaps this facilitates a ‘warm up’ stepping into the session & a ‘cool down’ coming towards the end, when clients are needing to prepare to exit back into everyday reality. It’s not something I feel I personally try to inject into each session, but an observation of when it’s most likely to occur.
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When the subject of humour has come up during sessions, the clients appreciation of the ‘lighter moments’ has been received as a counterweight during the darker moments. Saying something to me about maintaining a BALANCE. Yup! There it is; my fave word! 🙈😜
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So I will continue to strive to lean in to my clients way of being. To listen closely to their needs & how they communicate those needs. To be curious. To be myself.
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