Making space for all the feels...

 

Inspired by a great post by @the_binge-eating- therapist, I felt encouraged to slow down a little; to get off the treadmill of ‘doing’ during these uncertain times.

This is something I invite clients to do and I was struggling with this myself (Yes, I’m a human)! I was struggling to allow the feelings that were rising up inside of me to take some space, feelings that were largely in response to my personal loss of connections during these unprecedented times. So many losses and the grief that’s woven through the ripples of those losses.

 
 

The very first counselling academic I encountered when seeking advice regarding my training offered me this…”Whoever walks through your door, whatever their rational for reaching out and seeking support, somewhere within that, will be grief and loss”. It wasn’t too long before I experienced first hand the validity of what she offered me.

A loss of a loved one. One of the many transitions through life. Divorce. A survivor of abuse. Each and every one contains some aspect of loss.

I’m missing the face 2 face encounters with my clients. The morning exchanges on the school run. Taking my Mum out for a treat on Mothers Day. Weekly yoga and meditation sessions. The newly formed early morning park walk community I recently joined. A friend popping in for coffee. Popping out for coffee. Chatter as my hairdresser trims my hair. Meet ups with my child’s swimming team. Stopping to allow the dog to great her doggie friends to have doggie talk whilst I spoke with their owners. Lots and lots of loss.

 

I’d suppressed the somantic feeling of these emotions, so they remained with me, unprocessed. Swirling around inside my body. Stuck energies in my tummy, in my mind, in my muscles across my shoulders.

When I read Sarah’s post, it invited me to process them impact recent events had had on me. Jo the human. Jo the Mum. Jo the therapist. Jo the self-employed. A sadness washed over me and a sudden urge to wrap myself a soft warm blanket followed closely. I wanted to self soothe. I connected to the losses. I was then able to offer myself understanding of the enormity of those experiences; to appreciate the volume of the loss. That enabled self-compassion to steadily follow. To comprehend what I was mourning facilitated more room for compassion.

 

As therapists, we can often identify parallel processes that occur between ourselves and our clients. And this is an aspect of the role of our clinical supervision. Until this point, I had blocked my vision of this reality in this example; it had fallen into my blind spot. I had been locked into ‘go sort it out mode’ like many of us in response to all the changes that we had suddenly come into contact with; and thats ok, necessary even.

The new space I offered myself to explore those impacts came in the shape of a peer. She held space for me whilst I mourned some of those losses. She held me safely whilst I teared up and laughed. Those closest to me wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear laughter featured too! New Flash: Tears & laughter can be present at the same time & that’s ok!

 

So I encourage you to be kind to yourselves. Locate a way to let your feelings in. With a friend, a family member, through writing them down (clearly that works for me too). Welcome the feelings in. Have a chat with them. The fear. The sadness. The anger. Whichever comes up for you. Let them in to process, to surf over them. This, like many worry, doesn’t make you weak. Quite the opposite in fact, as your embracing all areas, even the uncomfortable ones. Of course you can plan and prepare yourself and your family for the challenges ahead AND this doesn’t need to be at the exclusion of allowing your feelings to be felt. in this instance, you can have it all!