Now we’ve had a couple of weeks to experience our new way of living, my attention has turned to all the plans we had being on hold.
Paused, and we don’t know how long for.
The lack of control of that fact can make it feel doubly frustrating. I know, I don’t want to pause indefinately.
I don’t want to pause celebration of birthdays.
I don’t want to pause memorials of loved ones who we have lost.
I don’t want to pause my learning.
I don’t want to pause full stop!
I’m glad I got in touch with all that frustration and anger. I know, if I hadn’t done that, and processed those feelings, it wouldn’t be helpful for me (or for anyone currently in isolation with me), for them to remain stuck, swimming around in my body.
We can’t control the need to self isolate and observe social distancing; as tough as it is, it is a necessity. We can however, control our response to all the enforced pauses.
Our family dog, Lola is 1 today. She has brought so much light into our lives. Her playfullness is infectious, her boundless energy uplifting. We are so grateful for her presence in our lives, despite the fact she’s eaten her way through numerous socks and shoes and has jumping skills parallel to a Kangaroo!
We can’t take her to her fave beach to have a big run around but we can take her for her daily walk.
We can still play with her in the garden.
We can still snuggle up to her on the sofa.
We can still give her her special ‘Doggie’ cake (gratitude in abundance for online ordering/delivery)!
That energy I can now put into locating new ways to continue within the parameters we have to work within. That doesn’t mean all my anger and frustration around our current situation will not return; but I’ll recognise ‘them’. I’ll say ‘Hi’. I’ll reflect and contemplate and ask myself (yes, I do talk to myself and yes, that is ‘normal’) how helpful sitting with them for a while maybe. I’ll process them, maybe an oh so helpful family member who asks ‘What the fuck is up with you’ will kick start that process. I’ll offer myself some compassion, some kind words, some understanding of the enormity of the challenge which will facilitate some form of balance into the situation. This isn’t going to be easy, and my acknowledgment of that will allow the ebb and flo of emotions. This is the freedom I can control and offer myself at the moment.
This is the freedom and control I can offer myself at the moment.